Inspiration
Self-care: My Golden Keys
Friends, we’ve been talking about self-care here since 2016 (!). In that time, we’ve talked about care of the body, care of the emotions, keeping custody of the mind, care of our relationships, families and communities, and care of our surroundings.
All are important domains. And there are some ideas that apply across all of the them. As my trainer and physical therapist Dr. Mike Stare likes to say: Practices are many; principles are few. Here are a few of the principles that I have found helpful for living life and making imperfect-but-good-enough decisions.
🗝️ Check the must-have boxes first and leave the nice-to-haves for after. Practice: I run best on a high-protein diet, and it’s really hard to add enough protein around the edges of a croissant-based plan (my preferred staff of life). It’s smarter to add the protein in first, and let it crowd out a few extra pastries.
By the way, this practice also conforms to the principle: Addition is more powerful than subtraction. If I wanted to stop eating croissants altogether—I really don’t—but if I did, I would look first to add something positive before 86ing my mid-morning delight.
🗝️ “Satisficing” is more fun than maximizing. Practice: Not all of us live in a world of too much choice, but those of us with access to Amazon sure do. Rather than go down a rat-hole every time we need to choose something, do your research with an egg-timer and when it dings, click Buy on that good-enough thing and don’t look back.
This principle helps with trivial decisions, obviously, but you might also test it on decisions like vacation spots or what to wear to the wedding. You have just freed so much life force for more important things. Like beach reads and your kids.
🗝️ We have much more control over inputs than outputs. We know that getting sunshine first thing in the morning (the crucial moment) has a powerful influence on how well we sleep at night. But it’s not a guarantee; we just don’t have that much control. We can get up and have our coffee in the garden though, and load up on blue light hitting our eyeballs at just that right angle. That’s within the locus of our control. In other words: Don’t think about sleeping tonight (or any other outcome), think about being the kind of person who gets up with the sun.
🗝️ Related: Systems offer more leverage than goals. Say you have osteoporosis—not a random example—and your trainer wants you to build lean body mass. You can set a goal to gain some number of pounds of muscle, and try this and that. Or you can set up a system of resistance training 4x every week. (And thereby check that must-have box first thing in the morning. In pjs if necessary, as it is for me.)
🗝️ If it’s not simple, it better be singular. “Pick your battles” is another way of saying this. I can devote my hands and brain to knitting a complicated pullover. I can’t knit an Astrid, perfect the homemade croissant and learn Korean all at once.
I have more! Haha you know I do. But in the interests of satisficing, I will stop here and let you take over. Are there principles you live by? Let’s compile them in the comments!
Resources
- Gretchen Rubin has some smart rules for decisions. I love all her books but especially Better Than Before, about habits.
- The idea about satisficing v maximizing comes from the work of Barry Schwartz, described in his book The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less. I was reminded of this source by Derek Sivers.
Image credit: Sita, Odilon Redon, 1882–1898. Art Institute of Chicago, Bequest of Joseph Winterbotham. Used with permission.
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Perfect post for a Monday morning…. Never heard it put so well vis-a-vis ‘systems offer more leverage than goals’. Will put that to immediate use.
Thanks!!
Oh my! Thank you!!!
I’ve learned that ‘Forward Movement’ both physically and mentally keeps me healthier
Great re-framing tips! My personal self care mantra : Its just a phase.
Whatever I’m experiencing (be it the stresses, worries, obstacles, and also joys, pleasures, delights of life) I remind myself that it will undoubtedly pass. I may not know how or when or why, but it will definitely become a memory. So if it’s a rough patch I’m struggling with, it is reassuring to know it is just a phase. Or if it’s something lovely, be in the moment and enjoy it with gratitude, because it will pass.
The timing of this was perfect. To a be detail oriented person (which I am) means overthinking everything. Your tips give me some alternatives. Save the detailed analyses for just the rare complex problems in life. Thank you!
Love all this, as ever. First Thing In The Morning is a huge game changer for me in terms of exercise. I finally realized, after decades of arguing with myself all day long, that I can get it done before I’m awake enough to talk myself out of it!
Exactly – this works for me too! Exercise before my whiney side wakes up enough to object.
Such great motivation! Do it first and then you won’t feel guilty all day….brilliant!
Thank you for crediting the artist! As an artist I notice when this happens and when writers fail to credit, and grab wonderful art as just an illustration for their deathless prose.
This does relate. One of my principles of living is to be quick to defend against imposition, and quick to credit good gestures. Catching people doing something good is a lovely way of acknowledging their place in our lives, and many of us really need that recognition, however self sufficient we like to seem. It also helps me keep a balance so I don’t give way to grievance.
I agree, I appreciate that you always credit the beautiful artwork you choose every time. Satisficing, great word, it resonates with me, thanks for another meaningful letter Max.
Things I have learned from knitting…..good enough IS good enough!……don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. As a bossy, impatient, firstborn, science career retiree, this has been a difficult lesson, but very liberating!!!
First born ICU nurse and not one to back down from anything.First degree was in Molecular Cellular and Developmental Biology and I was accepted to the PA program at Johns Hopkins but my father tore up the financial aid form so I’m learning how to slow down
This is good stuff. Reframing things helps me a lot. I.e. systems vs goals and input vs output. Good stuff, Max!
Very appropriate for me right now. Thanks, Max!
Thanks for the Monday morning inspiration. I’m adrift at my kitchen table after a week away, and systems need to be back in place!!
Just coming off a 4 day weekend wedding for my daughter at our house, and the venue in our town (it was a destination wedding, Scandia & Stillwater MN was the destination). Guests from New York, Florida and California. It was a beautiful Italian wedding, so full of love, and I am so grateful today. To be honest, a little shell shocked too, a little like the baby blues today. I want to thank you so much for your post on self-care, I needed this, it feels so good to just relax and take some time for me. I’ve been pulled in a million directions for months now so self-care is something that makes so much sense, I want to thank you! You’ve given me the bump I needed to start a little program of my own- it’s time.
Good reinforcement of one habit: take the dog for her morning walk around the neighborhood while the sun is rising. It’s good for both of us!
Thanks for this post! One of my guiding principles is “don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good”. I also live by Maya Angelou’s quote: “do the best you know how. And when you know better, do better.” I find this gives me permission to do what I can, when I can and not beat myself up for not doing or being more, yet leaving room for growth or improvement.
Perfect for me this morning because I’m moving from Denver,CO to Eugene, OR this week and my plate is too full for me to think straight but next week at this time I will be driving my new Honda hybrid across some beautiful land and I’m keeping my focus on that
Annie, I live in Eugene. You have to visit our LYS, Cozy. I hope you love it here!
In adapting over the past two years (and still adapting for a good time yet to come) to the death of my husband, I’ve learned to ask myself “will it help me feel better?” and, “do I have to do it right this second?” If the answer is yes, the decision is much easier.
Hugs.
My Dad used to tell me that only God is perfect and He loves the tryers!
This was a great post. It spoke to me, especially about “good enough”. These are thoughts I can really use. thank you.
Wonderful reminders! I am interested in the source of the very apt image that accompanies this article.
Judith, you’ll find the art information on a line just above Max’s photo. She always gives credit.
I use to be a little obsessive with projects, I’ve now adapted the “good enough” stance and have found it liberating
Such a good read, especially on a Monday!
I am reading this on just the right day at just the right time. Reaffirming and wise. Thank you.
Good stuff, here. Especially great on a sunny Monday. Thanks, Max!
What is an Astrid?
Not my circus, not my monkeys.This applies at work and home, but especially work. Most of my co-workers are younger than I am and I found myself taking on the role of den mother. After a mental health crisis (work being the biggest contributing factor) I’ve had keep reminding myself that these are grown adults making as much or more money that I am and I am not their supervisor. It’s taken nearly 3 years but I’ve gotten really good at ignoring their screw-ups and letting them sink or swim on their own. I sleep much better now.
Many of your columns have not spoken to me – or to be precise, what they were saying was so bad for my blood pressure that my own self-care mandated that I stop reading them and that’s what I did for the last couple of years. For some reason today I clicked on the link – and you really nailed it this time! These are excellent reminders, thanks!
One of my guiding principles is that very often (almost always), the only thing I can control is my reaction.
This is my first introduction to Max, and I’m loving this article! I’ll become a follower – with thanks.