Inspiration
Self-care: Dopamine and the Thrill of the Chase
Almost a year ago, I sat down with MDK’s Kay, Ann, and Cristina to talk about self-care topics for the year. Kay said something that stuck with me: We are all looking for something that makes us feel good. A statement so easy to agree with I could have missed it.
But it bears repeating, because it’s easy to dismiss. Feeling good can be written off as selfish, a trivial concern, even immoral. And our natural negativity bias—there to keep us alive—has us nodding along. So much safer to pay attention to what’s wrong and what’s lacking.
Thank goodness for dopamine! That’s the neurotransmitter (a chemical much like a hormone) in charge of motivation and reward. It’s even called one of the “feel good” chemicals.
So imagine my surprise when I started hearing people talk about “dopamine fasts.” I thought maybe this was a trendy new look for Puritanism? It’s not. Here’s why:
While dopamine causes you to chase a reward, and to feel rewarded when you hit your goal, and to make you remember that sequence of events so that you can repeat it, it produces all these pleasant effects when it’s surging. A dopamine high.
But what goes up, must come down. And when dopamine drops, you feel … less good. This is the feeling when you finish the compelling fantasy novel, you close the book, you (OK, me) look around, and see the dust and dirty laundry instead of courtyards and stallions and I’m going to stop now.
Let’s call it the dopamine low. It’s the state that makes you want to reach immediately for the next good thing. Back when dopamine caused us to seek berries and remember where the good ones were, this worked better.
These days, we’re chasing food that’s hundreds of times sweeter than berries, alcohol much more potent than a little overripe fruit, and social interactions that are thousands of times more frequent than they were in our clan-and-tribe days, and a million times shallower.
And that’s a recipe for diminishing returns. Check our likes, post a reel, check our likes, check again, ad infinitum. The parallels with physical addiction are obvious, and we’ve all done it. Meanwhile, things that lead to lasting feel-good are neglected.
Some good news: we also have chemicals on board that give us longer-lasting satisfaction. We’ll talk about serotonin soon!
Meanwhile, I hope the above is useful. It’s very simplified, though, so here are some resources from actual credentialed neuroscientists:
Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke
The Happiness Hack by Ellen Petry Leanse
The Brain and Beyond, a podcast hosted by Ellen Petry Leanse
What about you? Is there something you’ve stopped chasing because it’s stopped being rewarding? (For me: hard limits on fantasy novels.) Maybe you’ve cracked the code and got the balance right? Tell us in the comments below!
New and Thrilling from Max Daniels
“Hiding in plain sight: a simple, sustainable, affordable, flexible, fast and permanent way to recover from binge eating. You’ve heard of it. It’s called eating meals at mealtimes, and it’s amazingly effective.” Find it here.
Image credit: The Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs: Picture Collection, The New York Public Library. “Diana pursues Helen” The New York Public Library Digital Collections. 1844 – 1861. Used with permission.
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I have been putting my phone down, turning it OVER and walking away.
A timely and thought provoking article. Thank you.
I would love to read your book ‘Meals at Mealtimes’ but do not own a Kindle. Is it available in print or another format so that I can download it to my iPad or Kobo?
Maggie – I own a kindle but rarely use it – I do most of my reading using the kindle app on my iPad (it’s free, works perfectly) – maybe this would work for you, too
Silly typo—I meant to say “if you wish.”
If you wish—silly typo.
You can get the Kindle app for your iPad is you wish.
You can read it straight off of Amazon, they have a cloud reader—I don’t have a Kindle and I read it yesterday on my computer. (It’s fantastic and I’ve been following Max’s Meals at Mealtimes for years, it’s been such a gift to my life.)
Thanks Kay. I give it a try.
You can use the Kindle app on your iPad.
Thanks for this thought, Maggie! – Me, too – I actually have an ancient Kindle a friend gave to me, but I no longer will send any money to Amazon. Another format would be so welcome, Max!
I borrow all my Kindle books from the library. Maybe look there first? On the library app.
Lots to think about here. I really appreciate your article and also love the book ideas.
I have dysthymia, and I have worked hard on finding joy in the little things. I am rarely on social media. I walk, I read, I knit. I meditate often. I journal to remind myself of the things that brought me joy that day. I cuddle my humans and our cats, our dog when we have one, and do a lot of little things that bring me joy — flowers in the house, scented candles, little knickknacks that spark joy. I focus on the good in my life and work very hard on leaving the bad behind me.
Thank you for the book recommendations! I’m adding the to my TBR pile right now!
Another thought-provoking article.Thanks!
I think you’re on to something here. This might also be why so many people are being diagnosed as depressed.
I have walked away from social media sites like Facebook. I limit my interactions to personal chats or phone calls. I have even started writing letters again.
I stopped Twitter. It was so toxic for me, and a colossal waste of time to boot. I did find some cool people there that I learned from, but the overall balance was bad for me.
The whole dopamine thing freaks me out when I think of how kids are being manipulated by social media and video games. It gets increasingly tough to get that feeling from “normal” things. I’m a middle school teacher, so I see it constantly. I honestly worry, which I try hard to avoid.
Thank you Max.
Middle school teacher here too. The excess screen time during the pandemic makes everyone seem like they have adhd too. I’ve often discussed how excess screen time and our instant gratification society are robbing today’s kids of patience, the genuine sense of pay off/reward, social skills, and so much more. Even things like Netflix have changed our adult brains from 1 episode/week to binging a whole season. Sigh.
I just watched the documentary The Social Dilemma on Netflix, and it touches on these same issues. It’s excellent and really gets you thinking about not turning toward social media for the next dopamine rush.
Timely. I just finished Bowling Avenue, Ann Shayne’s book, and I’m already missing the characters. If you haven’t read it yet, I recommend it. Such a good read!
Oh, I loved Bowling Ave SO much! I’ve been thinking about it lately, so maybe it’s time for a re-read 🙂
Don’t limit fantasy novels! (I write them.) But maybe set time limits on how long you can read? For me, it’s at lunchtime and maybe for an hour after dinner.
Thanks for making me think about this.
Catherine, RESPECT! I’m reevaluating haha. And going now to look up your work 🙂
Thanks for the article on self, I’ve just listened to my first podcast, while sitting with my feet up listening to the snore of the fire and no tv!
Smoking. I decided nearly 12 years ago that I no longer enjoyed smoking. It took me about 34 years to get to that point but I did get there and even though I do miss it occasionally, I’m glad I stopped. I’ve also stopped almost all social media and definitely don’t miss that!
Chocolates… but after my first (and hopefully my last ) case of Covid, chocolates leave me coughing my throat out. And so, I bid goodbye to chocolates. Unfortunately, my waistline does not follow suit.
I really appreciate this article so much and the caution about social media and how that connects to our dopamine highs and lows. As far as dopamine and knitting go, I recently realized that it might be a good idea to have more than one knitting project going at once because when I finish one I feel a bit panicked to start the next one because I don’t have that soothing pair of needles in my hand. So, maybe time to start a blanket I can go back to when I’m between other projects. That would make for fewer highs and lows. Many thanks, Max!
I’ve more or less given up on social media for years. Too artificial. And I gave up on reading things that don’t actually teach me something or broaden my perspective, which means no more fantasy or sci-fi, and no more romance novels. A little rant about romance novels: they give us a false perspective on what our expectations should be in relationships. Even Christian romance. Books almost always have a relatively easy resolution to problems and a happy ending, unlike real life. I will occasionally read fiction like Jodi Picoult, she’s a master at making you see things differently. But real life and real history is so fascinating on its own, I decided I’d rather spend time on learning than on being entertained. Same reason I don’t watch TV.
Find What Feels Good (FWFG, copyrighted by) Yoga with Adriene on YouTube. I have been doing this for about 8 years, can’t say enough good about it. Her latest a 5 minute breathing exercise. Where else can you do Yoga in your pajamas at your convenience!
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We moved from the UK to Australia during the pandemic, and I have been battling depression ever since for lots of reasons associated with the move. I recently took up swimming again, training twice a week, up and down the pool for an hour each time. It takes effort to carve out this “me time” as a mother and yet…..
It is highly meditative – the strokes, the breathing, the line at the bottom of the pool, the quiet. This magic moment is just for me, with no one asking me to do anything for them. I am stronger, getting slimmer, and finally feeling like some perspective has returned. I am no longer contemplating antidepressants as the next sensible option.
It is the opposite of the ‘Insta-fix’ dopamine, it is a quiet, ongoing joy that I recommend to everyone. Find yours xxx