Dear everybody,
We are proud to announce our first-ever product offering from Modern Daily Knitting.
You’ve done so much. You got your kid off to college. In that first flush of pride and euphoria, you marked that moment: you vacuumed your young man’s room for the first time in seven years. You cleaned out the minivan, once and for all. You spent an afternoon culling through old art projects brought home from school. You cleaned. You tidied. Your house arrived at an all-time level of order.
But something’s wrong. It just doesn’t feel like . . . home anymore.
Home.
That’s why we have created a new way for you, the empty-nester mom, to fill the cavernous void in your life. Introducing: a new monthly delivery program that will give you everything you need to take your home back to the way it used to be.
Crapbox.
When we first envisioned Crapbox, we knew there were things empty-nester moms craved but just didn’t have access to anymore, that you just can’t remember how to order. It’s not 1997 anymore, ladies. But we know where to find all the good stuff, and we are thrilled to bring you carefully curated collections of all the memorable things that used to make your house a home.
Each month, you’ll receive the distinctive Crapbox, covered in an authentic vintage artwork by somebody’s kid.
Inside, you’ll find an ever-changing array of everything you thought you’d never want to see, ever again, except that you actually kind of do.
Here’s what you’ll receive with your April subscription:
Three packs of playing cards, with 49, 51, and 37 cards.
Nine Legos to sprinkle around your bedroom so you can step on them in the middle of the night.
A spool of fishing line to recreate the hilarious booby trap your son set for you in seventh grade, when you wiped out on the stairs and broke your collarbone.
A handmade clay turkey, to replace the seven clay turkeys you ditched.
One Playmobil Captain Hook, because your son lost his Captain Hook at the beach that summer and you never got over it.
Five Nacho Cheese Doritos, to grind into that carpet you finally got cleaned in the TV room.
A disposable camera, so you can forget to take it to be developed just like that bag of 15 disposable cameras you threw away.
Two rusty safety pins to remind you to get your tetanus booster like you had to do after you stuck yourself at your daughter’s sewing camp.
A duet of a dried-up glue stick and a dried-up piece of Sculpy.
One slice of Kraft American Cheese, to tuck into the back seat crevice of your car.
With a $49.95 monthly subscription to Crapbox, your house will start to feel like home, all over again.
Sign up today and you’ll receive our bonus collection, Crapbox: Summer Camp Footlocker.
Love,
Ann and Kay
PS Happy April Fool’s Day!
Oh my. I am living this right now. Thanks for the wonderful laugh and the reminder we will get through this. (you had me a clay turkeys. My kids are 3.5 and 1.5 and I think I already have 7.)
Genius.
Don’t forget 1 Barbie head and several non-matching shoes, l partial Starwars figure, a Rubik’s cube with 3 or 4 squares gone, a small zip-loc bag half full of crushed Goldfish and that missing basketball sneaker
( the original pair cost $185.00 in 2001)
Hilarious. I was thinking “why didn’t we do this with all the crap we unloaded when we moved last year?” I’m right there with you.
Good one!
You guys……
Hahaha! Happy April Fool’s Day.
Love it!
So funny! And so true. I’m going to have to show this to my husband. He’ll love it.
You had me until P.S. My excuse – no coffee or knitting yet:)
I can’t stop laughing. I haven’t thrown this s#*t out yet, so I could probably pack a few boxes for your customers!
Oh so funny. Remember the year Ann frogged her 97% complete shawl on April 1. That was a good ‘un.
You had me at crapbox.
Excellent. Thanks for the memories!
Hehehe
LOL!!!!
I could tell it wasn’t for real because the cap is still on the glue stick.
Zing!
Priceless.
Oh … priceless … there has to be a special edition CRAPBOX with yarn snippets, buttons, safety pins and and UFO’s and what not that can be delivered for a birthday … made my day … so very true … the bits and pieces life deals us!
Safe travels to Stitches South and kisses on Olive’s black nose!!!
I’m not even an emptynester at the moment and this cracks me up!!! It’s so accurate 🙂
This is a coffee snorter!
I could team up with you to offer the post-college version of this. Since I have a boy and a girl, it can contain versatile gems such as a shot glass collection, a street sign he swore he just “found,” thong panties (still a bit scarred by this), 57 bottles of dried-up nail polish, random T-shirts, vintage tennis shoes and some other stuff I’ve promised never to get rid of but actually would, for the right price!
I can donate old report cards and some rusty guitar strings. Pretty sure I remember wearing a hazmat suit when my son’s room was excavated.
still laughing! I can offer an extended version- moving from a 28 year residence which saw our son go from high school to college to first job to marriage to a move 10 hours away…then our retirement and a move to a smaller house with zippo storage…can you imagine all the goodies we found in the basement???
Thanks for the morning chuckles…
I can help you on the supply end of this new venture, with a guarantee on variety and size of individual items – broken 14″ Knitlite needle anyone? Appliance box playhouses will have to ship flat but I think your customers will enjoy the DIY thrill of recreating and you can run a special on scraps of tape. . . Call me.
Oh yes! And I’m thinking you should add a generous sprinkling of glitter that’s guaranteed to shower the table, chairs, carpet when the box is opened.
I was wondering where the half cup of loose glitter was.
You never know where the next great idea is coming from. Well, it’s coming from MDK, but where THEIR ideas come from….
Sadly, I don’t need one. My kids haven’t left yet. 25 year old is still waiting to start grad school. She wants to get a “better” job to pay for it. The 21 year old told me yesterday she had to change her degree program. Now she won’t be able to apply for her student teaching for another year. So we’re looking at 3 years for her to leave. The 17 year old plans to attend beauty school down the street. So expanding my studio remains a long term goal. Thanks for the smile.
One word: Etsy.
Sure, could’ve said eBay, but that would be totally wasting the handmade element.
And by the way, thank you for identifying the turkey; that would have baffled me for a long, long time.
(Is it wrong that the fishing line prank made me do the wheezylaugh? Oh gosh, I’m doing it again.)
Oh, bonus marketing tip:
“Crapbox: Spark some Joy!”
DYING LAUGHING Here!!
Much much joy.
My kids are 14 and I found (yet another) disposable camera…with 15 photos left on it. I’ll add it to the pile of cameras I swear I’ll take in to get developed before they leave home.
If you’d like to have a pile of never-used craft kits to add to future offerings, let me know. I’ve got about 30 of them.
Watch out, because it doesn’t take long for them to return with babies in tow. And those babies grow up to be toddlers and suddenly you’re just as busy as you were when the kids were little and there’s crap all over your house once again. My living room is currently covered in dinosaurs and doll blankets. So I can contribute to your Crapboxes any time you run out of supplies!
So funny! My youngest went off last year. Almost as soon as he hit the back door, I was cleaning out his room. Found all sorts of things and discovered that he owned 63 TShirts.
He’s back now and his room looks once again like a 9 yo boy lives there, not a 21yo man. ????
I am so looking forward to the Summer Camp Footlocker edition. I hope you are able to recreate the smell I long for- of packed wet sneakers and uncoupled, originally-white socks that capture the smells of an energetic adolescent whose only contact with water over the course of a month is swimming in a Maine lake.
Thank you for the opportunity to reminisce!
Can you offer a Loyalty Program, where you have some ridiculously hard to follow point system ? And just when you’ve forgotten about it, we’ll start receiving random single socks, half inside out, delivered directly to between the sofa cushions?
(love you two, this was an excellent coffee snorter)
Or choose the Deluxe Box featuring one Barbie shoe and a plastic kid barrette.
Well-played, Ann and Kay! Happy April Fools!
At first I thought the clay turkey was one of Ann’s chocolate orange balls. What a find! Then I put my glasses on.
What do you mean it’s a joke? I had already started packing up donations for your business. Starting with two models of Jamestown done in clay and popsicle sticks.
What a hoot! It’s soooo true that it’s hilarious 🙂
Don’t try and sell crap here! We’re all stocked up!
What do you mean you are selling crapboxes? With an 8 yo and a 7 yo I am living IN a crapbox.
I love all the loving detail you put in your crapbox. But as Gail said, the cap is on the glue stick, that was a dead giveaway that you weren’t serious. Hehehe.
Okay you totally got me. I read it with interest and amazement. Was there really a market for this?? 15 yr old son’s room holds many mysteries…we try to excavate once a year. My husband is king at making things disappear during the process right in front of the boy.
Happy April Fools Day!
P.S. Being that my name is April, and I’m not born in April, I usually avoid the day as much as possible. Took a lot of crap as a kid on this day. Thanks for the walk down memory lane. I still find those Legos. They are part of the high priced land marks sets now.
Packing peanuts! We must have packing peanuts that stick to your clothes, the carpet,whatever.
Otherwise I’ll just curl up in a ball of nostalgia and glitter and never come out. Hehe.
Happy April Fools day!
But in a weird way it seems like a good idea…
I’d be happy to supply a very large supply of useless plastic items for every crapbox.
As a recent empty nester, this made my day…thank you!
I’ve been an empty-nester for two years, but it still counts! Too much, this made my day! 🙂
I laughed my way all through the post.
Ingenius! that is all I can say.
Hilarious! Still laughing out loud!
O.M.G. YES!!! You can further personalize mine by adding a few dried up fruit scented markers to leave in the white sofa cushions.
You had me… for a while, until I saw what was in the box. Oh, yes, I remember the Legos in the carpet. Ouch. Loved Legos; hated them in the carpet. My kids never did the fishing line boobytrap thing (thank FSM!) but long before I was married, when I was living in (what passed for) the inner city of Minneapolis, a couple neighbor boys stretched fishing line across the alley. I nearly decapitated myself on my bike. Ah, good times…
Happy April Fools Day! 6 years after the youngest has left (the oldest came back and occupies what would have been my craft room) and I still am trying to clean out the bedrooms, so no thank you. I have high school art projects, “letters” from various teams and enough crap to be a partner in the endeavor. I’ll take a month as a sponsor.
Nice. 😉
One of the things I love about this blog in addition to the knitting is that I’m in your same demographic. So, let loose with all the empty nest, perimenopausal, saggy jokes because I get them. And that’s a lot more than I can say for much of what I see on TV or my phone. Bring it, sisters!
Sign me up!!!!
Sign me up for a personal subscription and sign my sister up for one as well. Please give her three Crap Boxrs each month because she had three little darlings finally leave the nest.
Bwahahaha. This is the best April Fools ever!
Love this! Can I donate painter’s tape and green RHSS. My kiddos think these two items will hold anything together and being that they are mistaken I have quite a bit, not only in my house, but all over their treehouse.
Ha! Looks like you have a lot of suppliers ready to sign up. I can contribute 856 miscellaneous hair thingies and some Spice Girls CDs. And stuff from the boy’s post-college endeavors, like wilderness firefighting gear. Call me.
Shouting with laughter here – I’m half of a two-adult, no-kids-ever household, and WE have at least half this stuff cluttering the place! Just glanced at the kitchen cookbook shelf and saw two midget remote-control cars (at least the remotes are there too), a yo-yo, and a plastic egg of Silly Putty. And let’s not even mention what lurks under the couch cushions, on the end tables, or under the front seats of the car. I could go on, but suffice to say that I could become one of your suppliers. Loving the Crapbox!
ps: Bonus membership – precious pet memorabilia! Half-chewed nubby-textured Nylabones lying in wait for your bare instep in the hallway at midnight . .
Oh, yes, a dog bone under the foot! Not only for the instep, but for sliding under you and causing you to fall down on one knee!
Been there, done that!
(Btw, I feel that I must reiterate that the crap on our bookshelf and everywhere else in our domain wasn’t left by visiting children. It’s all ours. Two middle-aged adults.)
Love this! Thank you!!! Perhaps next month’s shipment could include an overdue permission slip?!
And please include some of those othodontic rubber bands too!
Ha! I forgot about those. And I don’t know how that’s possible since I’m in the middle of that phase right now.
You’ll be finding the rubber bands everywhere for months after the braces come off. It’s crazy.
Pro tip–unused orthodontic bands make great stitch markers. You can knit one into the base row when you start a “knit even for X inches” section, making it easy to measure. Also for knitting in to note the beginning of the round on a sock.
This has to be the best subscription club ever!!! Thanks so much for the chuckle!
If you need merchandise, I think my whole house is one big Crapbox… 😉
Love this!
I love you guys/gals! What a gen of an idea. Thanks for the laugh.
I am a bit late for my daily dose of MD giggle, but wow, am I glad I made it!
Your Crapbox could have been compiled at my home. My son had all of this, and though he is 26, there is still a load of stuff yet available. In case you need it, I have on hand, endless boxes of baseball cards, baseball trophies, and baseballs themselves, for that matter. Sentimental jerseys (weren’t they all?) of all sizes. The Playmobil I did give away quickly (I was particularly sick of small plastic objects) in one big box, delivered to the door of a kid who thought he’d won the lottery. I do kind of wish I’d kept it for the grandkids of the future. That stuff was expensive and it will sting when I find myself buying it all over again.
Anyway, you ladies have outdone yourself this lovely April Fool’s Day. Still giggling and thinking of all to whom I should forward this post.
SNORT!!
I’ve always wanted to give my house a name like the English do in Jane Austen novels. Something along the lines of “Pemberley ” or “Hartfield”. But those names are too grand for my little ranch house. But today I have finally found a fitting name for my ‘estate’. “Crapbox” will do perfectly.
OMG! You forgot the used-up tubes of Clearasil; the partly-used bottles or cans of Love’s Baby Soft or Axe; the assortment of Cheerios, Froot Loops, and Rice Krispies (to grind into the carpet); the half-eaten candy bar (for under the couch cushion); bits of Play-Doh; and tiny nubs from the 64-count box of crayons! Oh, and a stinky gym sock, full of holes. . .;-)!
They’ll show up in a future CrapBox- maybe May or June…
Does the crapbox come in a girl-version? If so I could supply orphaned earrings, orphaned Barbie doll shoes, dried up bottles of nail-polish, unfinished mini hook-rugs, dried-up glitter, iron-on beads and patterns of all shapes, perfectly good stickers, Hello Kitty and Lisa Franck galore. Just say the word and I’ll have a full container ready to ship.
This is fantastic! I think bonus items should include crusty dishes and assorted trash…
My sister and I had a good laugh! Quite therapeutic!
Oh.My.God. I am SO DYING here. (Does it come with the smells???)
Sign me up! I’ve been hunting for that exact spool of fishing line which used to haunt my house but vanished some time after being used as an element of a sculpy mobile or maybe it was a DNA model or a California mission.
I’m not far away from any of this so I admit I was confused at first. I thought is that what happens????? I should have known. Phew. GOOD ONE!
Love it! Don’t have kids, but have a lot of siblings- I remember those decks of cards! As long as there were 52, we were good.
I’ve spent most of the day sitting on the Tarmac at Heathrow, only to have our flight cancelled. We just finished visiting our college-age daughter who is studying abroad and between missing my daughter and missing my home in Seattle, I’ve been on the be verge of tears all day. You guys made me laugh and cheered me up – thank you! ????
Brilliantly funny. You thought of just about everything. Happy April fool
Comment the first: Husband and I were walking on the beach at Brighton and found a Lego among the cobbles. Husband shouts, “Dammit Geoff, your Legos are EVERYWHERE!”
Second: When said son and only child left for university, we found out that our supply of coffee cups didn’t all fit in the cupboard when they weren’t being hoarded in his room.
Last: The Crapbox needs to contain a glass with the dried remains of a half-inch of milk, or instructions how to turn cereal milk into an almost irremovable congealed puddle under a desk.
I do love my son. Really.
So true. Love the glass of milk idea
This is perfect as this is just where I am in my life. The boy is away in Canada going to college and the artifacts uncovered in his room this Fall were laughable. Thanks for the chuckle.
Perfect! Thanks for a good laugh.
You know my youngest son turns 40 this year and every once in awhile I find something that I could contribute to your box! So even tho they grow up and start their own families, there’s still bits and bobs left at home.
Don’t forget to include petrified pizza crusts from under the bed.
Perfect post in every way!! You two have now entered into the “Great Duos Kingdom” special people are in there, make that extra, extra special people. the queen’s of course, Lucy & Ethel. along with Laverne & Shirley, Thelma & Louise, Mary & Rhoda, on & on. I’ve been attic digging for months now… getting there. There’s a giant ‘wife keeper’ tote up there full of 4 girls school stuff. I figure when I die they can figure out who’s macaroni popsicle stick picture frame that is…..that’s what you get when the first thing the teacher always said was “put your name on it!” …. thanks for the laugh. You made my day!
Once again you have hit on a unique way to morivate me to get all the crap out of my 20-something boys’ rooms. Kon Marie paarrttyyy!!!
Once again y’all have made my day! Hilarious!
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Oh this is hilarious!!! But you forgot the GI Joe to leave in the bottom of the bathtub, so you can step on it in the shower the next morning. And the banana peel under the bed, which eventually explains why a bedroom smells like formaldehyde. 🙂 Thanks for truly wonderful memories!
Oh this is great! In a month or two, a Crapbox of Nerf gun darts e v e r y w h e r e, and that mysterious puddle of dried school glue under the bed. Add the rock collection–looks just like the rocks at your house!–and the random marble, Mancala glass discs, hair ties, frozen bag of acorns deep in the freezer, fourteen whiffle balls and ten dirty golf balls, and charge for bulk shipping.
omg haha, so good.
this is totally hilarious. thank you!
Just found this! On the one hand, it’s hilarious. On the other hand, it’s disturbing how many of these items I can see from where I’m sitting. Practice just ended, so I can at least confirm that the teen responsible for most of it still lives here!
Just read this to my husband, and I’m sobbing with laughter. Our kids are 15, 13, 10…and 3, so this rings so, so true. The only thing missing is a sock.