Letters
Lazy Sunday: Family Bonding Edition
Dear Ann,
I am about to share one of my top so-called parenting secrets. (This message will self-destruct in 30 seconds.) I have discovered that one of the top ways to bond with a boy in late teens is to slouch companionably on a too-small sofa, watching TV series on Netflix, which endlessly plays the next episode. Snacking as necessary, joined intermittently by a softly snoring terrier. No teachable moments, no judgments: agenda-free yucking it up, with a side of knitting.
These are two of our favorites, but the possibilities are endless, because the teens (in my house, at least), require only that a series be mildly amusing, and have plenty of episodes. Warning: UTTER ABSENCE OF ELDERLY BRITISH DETECTIVES. (I know, crazy, right?)
The Office
Family viewings of The Office have opened up an entire language in which to communicate across the generations. Most of the time, the show is a master class in how not to behave, and so much more fun to learn from the characters’ counter-examples than from Mom’s sermonettes. Can be surprisingly moving, too. We all cried at the finale.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Don’t just dial up this show and start watching; it’s not for everybody. I’ll let Wikipedia give a sense of how wrong this show is:
The series follows “The Gang”, a group of five depraved underachievers: twins Dennis Reynolds (Glenn Howerton) and Deandra “Sweet Dee” Reynolds (Kaitlin Olson), their friends Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day) and Ronald “Mac” McDonald (Rob McElhenney), and (from season 2 onward) Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito), the man who raised Dennis and Dee. The Gang runs the dilapidated Paddy’s Pub, an Irish bar in South Philadelphia.
Each member of the gang shows varying degrees of dishonesty, egotism, selfishness, greed, pettiness, ignorance, laziness, and unethical behavior; they are often engaged in controversial activities. Episodes usually find them hatching elaborate schemes and conspiring against one another and others for personal gain, vengeance, or simply the entertainment of watching another’s downfall. They habitually inflict mental, emotional, and physical pain on each other and anyone who crosses their path. They also regularly use blackmail to manipulate one another and others outside of the group.
So, Leave It to Beaver it ain’t. Sometimes, I get myself Appalled, and walk away from the sofa. But there is something in a teenage boy that loves the wildly inappropriate, while recognizing that it’s wildly inappropriate. We do laugh. And one of us gets some knitting in.
Love,
Kay
The writer of It’s Always Sunny went to high school with my son. He was a funny kid then and it’s great to see him succeed! Bonding with late teen boys is well worth it. Enjoy.
Mary Alice, Carlie Day was my brother’s roommate at the Abbey!
Oh, yes, we do this in our house as well. Chuck and Parks and Rec so far with my son. X-Files with my daughter. Poldark, however, I have to watch on my own.
I read that Wikipedia summary long before I started watching Always Sunny, and I was Appalled. Then I saw a couple episodes. Now I treasure that hilarious (and shockingly accurate summary) and the first several seasons of the show. Just a laugh a minute, but yes, not for everybody. (And it helps that in from Philly and live the location shoots.)
that’s awesome
I might be the only 70 year old woman who has seen every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer…same reason.
I can depart this earth a happy person – my teen daughter delights in keeping The Great British Baking Show on an endless loop. And Sunday night PBS – good times (plus popcorn!)
Just FYI – as the mum of a 16 yo girl, this is also the best (sometimes only) way to bond with the daughters.
Marvel’s agents of Shield was also good for that, and has the benefit of movies that your (no longer teenage) son and his friend (!) are happy to go to with an aged parent.
And the Great British Bake Off was one for all generations, even at far flung universities, to keep in touch with. At one stage we had four generations watching it, including then teenage son.
I’ve never seen the American version of The Office, but the British original was a masterpiece in tv that makes you cringe, but you can’t stop watching it.
My son and I LOVE It’s Always Sunny! It is so awful it is hysterically funny. When I was getting chemo treatments, I used to take dvd’s of it to play during the treatments. They say that laughter helps, right? It also had the plus of embarrassing my husband when I would laugh out loud and not realize it because of my earphones.
Third Rock from the Sun is our Mom/teen bonding TV series. I think we’re up to season five. Pre-teen series was BBC’s Hercule Poirot. Also every. single. Mythbusters episode ever.
We credit Dwight with bringing beets back into our life. Separately, will teen boys watch The Mindy Project? (Asking for a friend.)
The no teachable moments, no judgement thing tho, is key to this strategy. When my mom tried it when I was 16, she couldn’t resist **commenting on** every scene and asking me “Why would he do that? That’s so dumb!”, etc. I have come to realize as an adult that it wasn’t specific to me and the shows I liked — she does that with all TV watching. Seems to be part of how she enjoys it,
But for 16-year-old me, it was torture and some of our biggest fights ensued when I reached my limit and tried to evict her from the couch.
(thank goodness for adulthood)
Try “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” which is hilarious without having people be nasty to each other, which I get kind of sick of. It’s the kind of show in which no joke is too small and every time you watch it you pick up new funny references. It’s on Netflix.
This strategy works with 85 year-old dads, too. We spent many hours together yesterday, watching “Highway Through Hell” with our own little terrier and some sock knitting. We are into anything on Netflix that features dangerous things people do to earn a living while working in sub-zero temperatures in the Canadian wilderness. “Ice Pilots” is another fave.
Great idea. My son is only 2, but hopefully I’ll remember this tip when he’s older. 🙂
My only warning for “Sunny” is if you binge watch too many in a row, you stop being quite to appalled at the behavior, which is an appalling prospect in and of itself and also makes the show less funny somehow….
My daughter and I bonded over Friends and are looking for a new show – I had forgotten how fun it is to have someone into the same show that you are so every little detail can be rehashed (probably more of a girl thing…!
O.M.G. yes.