Beyond Knitting
Self-Care: Beginning to Make Sense of it All
Reader, I’m in a dark place today. I refer of course to New England in the autumn, where right now the trees are brighter than the sun. Colder every day. The daylight summer-world is unmistakably winding down.
But I am an autumn person, and there are a lot of us—especially evident around here.
Salem, the village next door, is nearing the peak of its annual October rager (one million visitors, most of them wearing a pointy black hat). If you’re an autumn person, your energy is rising, and it’s not just the pumpkin spice caffeine.
Every year, I find a specific use for that energy, that eager hopefulness. This is when I start my annual review.
This year I’m reviewing in a deeper way. I’ve published an annual planning process every year since 2019, but this is the first time I’ve read back through every one of them in a single session.
You will not be surprised that I’ve been noticing themes. And it made me curious: just how far back does some of this stuff go?
Like, what are the interests that I’ve put down and picked up again several times? What was life like when the inner critic was quiet? Where was I and what was I doing every time I struggled with eating—and when eating was just not an issue at all?
Those are just some examples of patterns and cycles I began to see as I looked at my annual reviews. What is beginning to emerge is a kind of meta-review. A timeline, actually.
Your timeline.
Now when I was in coach training, we were taught never to offer a tool that we hadn’t validated in the field, i.e. thoroughly tested on our own selves to work out the buts.
What a good rule! And reader, I am a bit of a rule breaker.
Perhaps it’s all right because I am not your coach or your priest or any other authority, really. I think of us more as friends having a conversation, and I hope you think of me that way too—and will thus indulge me when I offer this “tool” as a shared experiment.
I think it will be of use as we move into winter and the closing of the year—and as we begin to think about what we want for 2025.
Also, I hope to be the world’s number one encourager for taking yourself seriously. Not too seriously, of course. But seriously enough for a little introspection.
Anyway, here’s what I’m starting to flesh out, year by year: Where I lived and worked, who I lived with, what I was learning and reading, who were the other important players, what were the high points, what were the vexing problems.
I’m curious about what are the themes? What are the patterns? Are there observable cycles?
If you would like to join me in this experiment, please do! I want to know what you’re curious about in your own life. Please let us know in the comments. And if you’ve ever done this kind of timeline review for yourself, please share your wisdom!
Image credit: Autumn Maples with Poem Slips, Tosa Mitsuoki, c. 1675 (detail). Art Institute of Chicago. Public domain.
I’m entering a new phase of my life this fall and am most intrigued. I will happily join you in this experiment. I am curious about how approaching the last part of my life has so many similarities to the part of my life before career/family etc. Not explained well but worth an exploration on my part. Thanks Max.
I’ve journaled for over 40 years. It started by tracking my menstrual cycle and mood and has evolved into these massive art journals that chronical my life. I’ve finally settled down after retirement and looking for my next move. Count me in!
I’d like to do that, join your convo
I too am interested in this experiment. As a retired science teacher, I am always up for generating a hypothesis! I am entering the “twilight years”, sold my home of 37 years last December, and moved to a very rural area an hour away from friends/family. It has been a life-changing experience and incredibly revitalizing to chart these new waters of friendship, family, and place.
Hmm, thought provoking experiment. As another Autumn person, I realize that 95% of my moves have been in the fall. Guess that’s my psyche telling me it’s time for change??
At this point I’m just trying to get through each day!
I love this! As part of my interest in tarot, I have started looking at my “card of the year” (which uses numerology, something I’ve always been skeptical of), going back through my past and trying to map that card of the year cycle to different developments in my life. In spite of my agnosticism about the mysticism of tarot, numerology, astrology, etc., I do find them usefully tools for introspection.
You have my interest, as an irregular journaler and an autumn person I would be interested in this experiment. Count me in.
What a great idea! I have skimmed some of my old morning journals – I def see patterns… I usually wait until NOV to start on my goals for the coming new year, but am inspired to start a little earlier this year!
Struggling with putting order in my life and often not having the energy to put order in my life after loss, illness and retirement. I’d love to join and get back to journaling and do more introspection. Count me in.
Totally resonates for me! I’m in.
I’ve recently begun a new chapter in my life. I retired at the end of last year, after having worked for 50 years. It was an upsetting transition for me. I loved my work and my colleagues. I’m widowed; my parents are gone and my only sister lives out of state.
Some startling discoveries have come my way in the last 9 1/2 months. I don’t need as much money to live as I thought. My cat really, really missed me when I was at work. My house doesn’t get less messy now that I’m home so much. It gets messier because I cause the mess. I love to read even more than I realized. I’m not afraid of trying new things: I learned how to do stranded knitting and I started taking piano lessons.
That last has made me acknowledge how much I hate failing at something. I’m having a terrible time mastering even the most basic steps to piano-playing. It’s causing anguish for me and frustration for my teacher. Just today I’ve decided to stop the piano lessons. I don’t know if it’s hopeless for me to learn to play. I do know that my teacher and I aren’t a good fit. And I’m realizing that refusing to fail has been a major theme in my life. It’s time for me to let that go.
Thanks for asking such an interesting question!
My husband took up guitar when he retired. The first classes were with a group and he felt defeated by their skill. He switched to an individual class and has continued with success.
After teaching high school for several years, I taught quilting classes to adults. What a difference. Adult students are incredibly hard on themselves. They expect mastery to come quickly and are frustrated with the sometimes slow pace of learning. Don’t give up on yourself. Consider the process as part of the learning. And maybe you do need a different teacher.
Find a new teacher or, maybe, a new instrument. Guitar? Ukulele? Recorder? Don’t give up your quest to play music. It’s soothing, healing and fun. You’ll get there once you’ve found the right match.
My husband took up piano last year with no musical background. He struggled for awhile, but switching to a new teacher made all the difference. Don’t quit! Find a better fit for you!Best of luck.
I spent much of the last year trying to figure out where I wanted to volunteer after I retired. November marks a year of being retired. I’ve always been a person that volunteered in the community and even did two years in the Peace score in my early 60s. After retiring, I was struggling with finding a balance between creative pursuits, necessary appointments, and how much I wanted to volunteer and where I wanted to volunteer. I know I know—-definitely a ‘first world problem’ as some of us would say in the Peace Corps. Anyway, last week I think I finally found a place that I feel really comfortable with & at home with to Volenteer…. I will continue volunteering where I live teaching art in an afterschool program because I love doing that, but I’ve decided to throw myself wholeheartedly into volunteering at this place I just identified. It’s a place that’s very flexible about setting how much you want to help in your hours of help which I really like. Upon reflecting, this is a great relief for me and I think will be good for me and for my community—-plus, I will be meeting new people in my age range, which is also a good move at this point of my life.
Thanks for prompting me to articulate this and think more about it. sometimes there are those places and things where you know instinctively that this is the correct place for you to be, and I think I have found that. For this, I am full of gratitude.
I’ve used your annual review in past years and found it helpful. Something always comes of it. But this sounds better by a factor of 10. I’m definitely up for this one!
This has been a tough year for me for reasons cited in most of the comments. I don’t have enough time to focus on established patterns that are problematic… What? Google Max Daniels!
Themes – while still very much in the working world, over ten years ago, I told several co-workers my retirement would consist of animals, plants and fiber. They were stunned that I seemed so sure of this.
Fast forward to now, three years into retirement, and my retirement themes are fiber (knitting, quilting, etc.), plants (master gardener and restorer of family land to native vegetation), and animals (see above reference to restoration of land), plus nature assistant at a nearby wildlife refuge…do 2nd and 4th grade visitors count as animals?
So, I conclude – so far – that some themes are definitely consistent with what I anticipated and others (the kid part) not so much. Looking forward to more on this topic!
Thank you, Max. I’m at an age where a retrospective over the years can be helpful, although I didn’t know how to begin. Your questions give me an outline of a start.