Inspiration
Self-care express: In the quiet corners of the year
Friends, there was a very important thing I forgot to tell you last month. We were talking about letting ourselves know the truth.
I should have said: Sometimes knowing is enough—The End! We don’t always have to take immediate action. We can take a beat instead, and just allow the knowing.
Maybe you decide never to act on your knowledge at all. This is also allowed.
Especially if the seemingly required action is really gonna cost you.
Lao Tzu said, “Rushing into action, you fail.” Therefore gather ye pillows, pile them high, and settle in for an episode of new Matlock and a glass of wine, he did not add. But would he object? I can’t be sure.
As for inaction, I hope the opportune moment may present itself soon. Perhaps in that gap between the December holidays and the New Year. I always think of this as a very wooly time, a bit of soft padding in the year. My moment to do anything I want, including nothing much at all.
As you have no doubt discovered, my main job with self-care is chief permission dispenser. I’m not speaking of harmful holiday indulgence (although you probably have to go pretty far before I agree a thing is harmful). Permission to give yourself what you need is all I’m saying here.
Because if you’re anything like me, by the end of the year there’s always a lot of deferred R&R crying out for attention.
Now my other main job here (I admit it’s a selfish one!) is to hear from you. I LOVE knowing what is going on with you. I am curious, as we round the corner of the old year and the new comes into view, where are you at with rest and inaction?
In dire need of rest? Already deep in the bosom of quietude? Somewhere in the middle? I would love to know, so pop your thoughts in the comments below.
May your holidays be full of peace and joy, and your 2025 the exact right balance of ease and thrills, action and rest.
Resources: Rest.
Image credit: Album Quilt, Sarah Ann Wilson, 1854, Art Institute of Chicago. Used with permission.
Thank you Max for this thoughtful and timely post.
At this festive season we are all encouraged to be good to other people but it is important to be good to ourselves too and sometimes we need a reminder …and permission!
as i was reading the post i had a memory of the best bit of advice my late mother ever gave me just after my son (eldest of my 4 children) was born
“Never stand when you can sit and never sit when you can lie down”.
Merry Christmas everyone and as a proud Scot i would be failing in my traditional duty if i didn’t wish you all a Happy New Year when it comes.
I love all of your articles and have bookmarked every one, but for me, your suggestions will need to wait until the weekend after Christmas. Yesterday I finished the dough for 18 dozen cookies which I will start baking in batches today. Last night I finished embroidering the stocking for my newest granddaughter’s first Christmas. I’m hosting a neighborhood tea tomorrow for those who won’t be around for the actual holiday and hosting brunch and dinner for 10 on Christmas day. This weekend my older grandchildren will come for a sleepover and cookie decorating marathon so their parents can have some alone time. Have theater tickets for two
events with visiting relatives in the days after Christmas. There is such a thing as positive stress. I am loving every minute of this. At 74 I don’t know how many more years I will be able to do this, so I treasure every moment. I hope everyone celebrates in the way they love most.
Whew! I’m envious!
Enjoy it now! I am 85 and can no longer do all of those entertaining things I loved to do and I miss being able now. I can still bake but it’s a long slow process. Enjoy the holidays!
I love this so much!!! Thank you Maureen!!!
Maureen, that sounds like a beautiful way to celebrate Christmas. Enjoy every minute!
Enjoy every moment Maureen Sounds wonderful!
Thank you, Max, for all your posts–they always resonate with me. This holiday season I’m looking forward our family celebrations and also to some quiet, reflective time (to knit!).
I really look forward to your posts!
After a year of saying yes to requests to work for good causes I have decided 2025 will be a sabbatical. I retired 6 years ago and in spite of my good intentions rapidly became overcommitted with various activities. I’m going to jettison the activities that don’t quite fit and seek quiet time to enjoy my husband, my pups, my home, and my garden. And journal all of it.
Will I miss some things? Maybe. But I’m also hoping to reconnect with my best friend, the one who supported me thru a wild career and greets me every morning in the mirror.
This is my year of saying no. I over commit to knitting for others. I have buckets of yarn and ideas for myself. My new year started on November 1. I’m having a blast. It’s still hard to say no. I’m learning a lot about myself.
You go girl! I retired 8 yrs ago, joined every fiber related group in town, then slowly discovered which ones I really enjoyed. Mostly none of them, I’m not a committee person. It was a positive learning experience that led me to just do what I truly love instead of what I thought I would like. You’ll figure it out!
Hi Max — this is so timely. The past two days I have napped after lunch and thought to myself that if I were to write a letter to my younger self it would be to say hang in there — there will come a time where I will get to rest and relax as much as I want. As a heart-broken single Mom working and trying to do it all there were moments of thinking life was just too tough for me. I’m so glad I didn’t succumb to ducking out on life. All that happened has made me who I am today and I’m pretty happy with that woman.
Thank you, Max! January is always a time of rest and renewal for me. December is busy and stressful, no matter how hard I try to keep Christmas prep manageable. I recently heard someone say that too much going on causes her pressure and stress, even if it’s good things, because her body can’t tell the difference between what she needs to do and what she wants to do. It all becomes overload. Me too! So I power through December and hibernate in January with knitting needles and books. But I think I do need a new rule for next year: no gift knitting in December!
I am in dire need of rest, but I am not sure when I’ll get mental rest. Sleep isn’t usually my problem, I sleep 7-8 hours most nights. But there have been and still are way too many problems at work the last couple months, which are really wearing me down. No sign of a lasting solution yet. I even had occasional days when I was so stressed I couldn’t even knit, and knitting is my go-to therapy.
It’s really challenging when half my staff calls out and I am running around trying to help 5 people at once on self checkout and my cashier needs help and someone is at customer service with a return. Holidays are not always happy in the grocery and retail business. I’m planning on taking a couple extra days off after New Year’s and do some major clutter purging interspersed with plenty of knitting time.
Hm. Maybe this works for others but less and less for moi. The older I get, and already into my 70’s yikes, the more I try, want…nay NEED …to do. There’ll be plenty of time for the dirt nap later.
Dirtnap! I love it.
I have a not-waiting-for-New-Year’s Resolution. After many years of resisting, I was Borged into acquiring a smartphone this year. And noticed, after just a few months of being chained to this electronic plaything, that my knitting time and my reading time had somehow been absorbed by the addictive games lurking inside that silicone serpent.
So … it stays as a phone and texting tool. It stays as a mobile link to my Ravelry account when I’m away from home — ooh, that yarn is on sale! (But, wait, don’t I already have it in my stash?), and as the now-mandatory tool for way-too-many daily tasks. But as a gaming device? Out, out, damned Spot!
I will return, chastised and wiser, to leaving KIP and current book-in-progress next to my favorite chair where they can be nibbled at in odd moments, in addition to the near-daily longer sessions, instead of trying to accumulate more ephemeral “points” in some silly game during those odd moments of nothing-else-in-my-hands.
Thanks for the reminder, and happy wooly time.
Max, your words of wisdom always inspire me. Sometimes to action, and sometimes to rest. I chose not to make everyone in my family a gift this year. I feel a teensy-bit guilty, but I know that is just the voice of Christmas Past. I spent too many years stressing (obessessing) over hand-made gifts.
My favorite ever holiday time was when I was still working. I was off for the holidays, family had come for Christmas and left, then before New Years we had a huge snow storm which stopped the city. Joy! I didn’t have to go anywhere farther than the barn. It was so quiet and beautiful! For two days all I did was rest and knit.
Definitely closer to the dire need end of the continuum! And also, looking forward to the upcoming week between Christmas and New Year’s, which I intend to leave fully unbooked and unobligated. As I ease up to that, trying to make time for walks and yoga. Finding peace where I can 🙂
Right now, I’m in the thick of it. Appointments every day, end of the year stuff, before health insurance changes with the new year, last minute shopping, dinner supplies to be gotten for the Christmas dinner. But after the 25th, lots of quiet knitting is what I’m looking forward to. Lots of walks with the dogs, seeing our wildlife friends, etc. Happy holidays.
For the first time in almost 50 years, I will not be going anywhere for Christmas. I have been going to my parents’ house, my in-laws house(s) for so long and I just want to hang out at my house in my pjs all day. Snow would be nice, but not necessary. For my taste, there is too much obligation about traditions and I relish the idea of picking and choosing the things I want to do. I love that others thrive on the busy-ness and business of Christmas, but I want a rest. And now I have it.
Good Day and Happy ‘Whatever’ Holiday you choose to honor, celebrate or ignore! Unfortunately this year I am being forced to make myself frazzled and crazy by unexpected home repairs! Termites, dry rot and water damage go away!! So this year everyone is getting pretty short shrift. Money and small practical gifts are king! My focus is on making well thought out choices in the reconstruction of the bathroom. I need it to last!! This year is going to be a stay in the moment as best I can year. Breath and ‘this too will pass’ attitude are what I am going for along with peace, ease and more time for knitting! I love all the little glimpses and pearls of wisdom from those who participate in this little forum. Franklin I need a good belly laugh!
Love and hugs to all….
My Dad used to say “THe quality remains when the price is forgotten” I wish you the joy of a lovely warm shower in your new bathroom to make up for all the chaos and wash away the stress. Ax
I loved reading this. I especially like the mattock reference, totally agree.
I like quiet time to knit and watch my favorite shows/movies.
Happy Holidays
I will just say that 2024 was not the best of times and I am in need of some major R and R. And a lot of knitting, of which I didn’t do much of this last year. I hope to do a lot of it and reading, sewing, crafting, and generally enjoying life.
I hope you’re not done reading comments! I retired at the end of August and I feel like I’m still resting up from all the years of working then spending weekends getting ready for the next week. I’m still treasuring whole chunks of days just sitting in my chair reading and knitting.
I find that my best defense to all of this is my ability to stay in the moment. Forget yesterday and forget tomorrow. It works for me.
I am a minister in the Church of Scotland, my ideal Christmas dinner would be a Brie and cranberry panini but I will also have to cook Christmas dinner (with the help of the Marks and Spencer’s Food Hall) R&R will have to wait until Boxing Day when I intend to sleep all day….. and plan for the delights of a non religious Hogmanay when there will be singing and silly games and general fun and no one needs a church service to celebrate it. Oh yes and I’m going to start the shawl pattern a lovely friend bought me to detox . Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, Happy Holidays to everyone else and a very Happy New Year!
“In the quiet corners of the year “ is now my favorite phrase. I’ve had to postpone my self care in order to attend to others close to me. I am finally able to step back and focus on my health and wellbeing. If anyone needs me in 2025, I hope to be found enjoying my knitting, my painting, in some quiet corner of the week, of the month, of the year. A Peaceful New Year to MDK!
Thank you for your words of kindness and sense. Isn’t it strange that we so often still need permission to just rest? But you have put your finger on just how I am feeling right now. Between work, school, and a lot of personal trauma over the past two years, I don’t think I have ever been so tired and in need of this advice. In the space of 13 months I lost the three people I was closest to in the world, and I have not been taking the best care of myself. Christmas (even with all of the emotional baggage that comes with it) is the perfect opportunity to change that. I want to knit, write, paint, and pull out my yoga mat. And sit with coffee or wine with people I love. Thank you for your wisdom and kind heart.
Pamela…please take care of yourself. I’m so sorry to read of your losses. Get out the needles and wine. Have lunch or breakfast or a drink with friends. Put YOU at the top of your list. ❤️
Thank you Elaine. We all carry something. We just need to remember to put it down from time to time.
Enjoy the people who give you love and hope ❤️
I so enjoy all of your ideas & tips and this is especially relatable right now. While the dog barks at the falling snow I knit and try to forget the cleaning, wrapping and baking that “needs” to be done. Somehow Christmas always comes along with festive times, great food, family and good friends. All is well.
My son came home for Christmas this year, he lives in Paris, so it is a very busy time! Visiting my brothers and sisters (there are ten of us) and catching up with friends is almost a job!!!! But it creates so many wonderful memories!! He’ll be going home on the 27th so things will settle back into routine fairly quickly. But it has always seemed that the week between Christmas and New Years is a time to gather thoughts together about what direction to go in in the New Year. A quiet reflective time, sometimes while knitting something mindless, that will help to make the coming days more fruitful!
I am currently nearing the end of a twelve day trip on the Central Coast of California. I stay at a favorite B&B where I’m treated like family. I get to enjoy great food and hospitality, wander along the rugged coast, shop in wonderful local places and, when I choose to, sit by the fireplace in my room and read or knit. Shopping is done. Only wrapping to consider. I just refuse to succumb to the holiday panic.
I always come away with a pearl of self care wisdom.
Deferred Rest…that has been 2024 for me. I’ve been involved with some extreme! radical! relentless! classified projects at work this year and they have literally consumed me. Today is Christmas Eve, and I was in a meeting from 6am – 8am working out construction field changes that will happen today and the day after Christmas.
I’m on call through the end of the year, but I fully intend to take many naps, knit tiny,
soft things for our Grandson who will arrive in the spring and drink lots of cocoa, maybe even sip a nip or two of my favorite bourbon.