Inspiration
When Your Handmade Gift Doesn’t Land
Sometimes I can’t help myself, even though I should know better, but the idea feels so right, like it’s the perfect gift, which is how I found myself presenting a colleague with a gift of a Sophie scarf made just for her.
It took only a minute to realize that the gift did not land the way I’d expected. As the colleague considered it with curiosity (“Oh, this is a scarf?”), another colleague, sensing what was happening, asked, “Did you make that, Claudia?”
Oh, bless her. She was trying to help.
No matter how many oaths we may take, making a gift by hand for someone holds a special appeal. While I have mostly avoided knitting gifts recently, I can clearly remember the day that the Sophie scarf came to me like divine inspiration.
Three of us (including my gift recipient) were returning from lunch, discussing the gift exchange. There, on a sunny sidewalk in the spring, I thought—no, I knew—I had to knit something for my colleague.
How can we take care of ourselves when our handmade gift doesn’t resonate the way we’d hoped? There are many reasons this can happen; it might be easier to accept and lessen disappointment if we take a look at some of them.
Image: Sno from Woolfolk
Perhaps my first mistake was believing I had the perfect gift. This colleague of mine is frequently cold, wears a lot of black, and expresses a taste for refinement. I though the Sophie scarf, knit in a grey black yarn, would be cozy and sophisticated as well as say that I saw her and cared about her.
Lesson one: there is no perfect gift; there are moments when the stars align and the light of clarity shines through, enabling a recipient to truly behold what they have in their hands, but oftentimes, the gift is about you and the lens through which you see the other.
In the future, if I think a handknit gift is perfect, I will look closely to see for whom.
This flows into lesson two: it’s not about you.
Image: Miniature Schnauzer Tea Cosy by Susan Cowper
They’re not rejecting you if they’re not overjoyed by the tea cozy you knit that immortalizes their long-lost pet. Sometimes, the recipient doesn’t know what to do with your care, or they cannot understand what you’re trying to communicate, and in their uncertainty around how to respond, they simply say, “thank you,” and move on.
Lesson three (which is probably lesson one for many): some people just don’t get the significance of a handmade gift.
Not everyone imbues their gifts with meaning, but there’s a reason why we talk about who is or isn’t “knitworthy.” It’s not about the labor involved; it’s about the emotional impact of how it’s received and whether that impact is worth the work.
And then, sometimes, it’s about you.
Maybe I wanted to not only show my colleague that I’ve paid attention to the fact that she’s frequently cold, but that I also wanted to demonstrate what refinement might look like.
Maybe I thought I knew her better than she knows herself.
Maybe I wanted her to be a different kind of person. This is not very flattering to myself, but it needs to be acknowledged if I’m serious about exploring my response.
Finally, there’s the issue of timing. There are a few ways timing can come into play. Sometimes the recipient just isn’t at the right moment to receive your gift. Maybe they’re still mourning the death of their beloved pet; maybe the style isn’t how they see themselves at that moment.
Time can allow a recipient to come to appreciate the gift months or years after receipt. It’s a lot to ask that our giftee can recognize the message and work involved in your gift and access their emotional response immediately, especially if you’re standing in front of them with anticipation.
If you find your gift fails to land, I suggest the following:
- Remind yourself of the lessons here. There are more variables involved than simply the gift you made.
- Try to remember your intention—whether that was to communicate love, appreciation, or support. Those intentions are still there, and your recipient will understand this, even if only on an unconscious level. Note: this applies to gifts that are not so well-intentioned, too.
- Be nice to yourself. Applaud your effort and care. These are two qualities we could use more of in this world.
- Retail therapy, a hot bath, and the beverage of your choice can go a long way to easing one’s disappointment. Indulging in any one of these to excess, however, is not recommended.
I ended up knitting a Sophie scarf for myself. Perhaps as I enjoy my scarf, my colleague will see this and try it out for herself. My partner tells me modeling doesn’t work, and I know she’s right, but I can’t help myself, just like I can’t help wanting to craft the perfect gift.
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Oh but when the gift hits, it hits so well! When my niece was a tween, I knit her a scarf with matching fingerless gloves and she lost her mind over it. She was so excited that I actually thought someone had put her up to it to make sure I felt good about it. The funny part is, it wasn’t the first thing I had ever made her. I knit the sweater she came home from the hospital in. And right now, I’m knitting the same sweater for her to put away until her wee one arrives.
So many thoughts on this subject! I’ve evolved to thinking that people in my life appreciate my action in making something for them—the thought of that—as much or more than the physical item I made. I’ve felt that so many times when I’m the recipient of other kinds of gifts!
It’s one of Marie Kondo’s great teachings, to honor and appreciate the intention of a gift as much or more than the thing. When we think “oh that yarn cost a lot” or “I’ve never seen them wear it,” we may be missing the point of the gift ourselves. Did I make it for the ego boost of seeing them wear it? (Yes! Yes I did!)
And as Karen says, when a gift hits, it hits so well! More than makes up for the ones that don’t. The twenty-somethings who drape themselves in blankets I made for them when they shuffle into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee….DEEP JOY MY CUP OVERFLOWETH
I knitted a wonderful (I thought) heavy sweater with a 1/4 zip for my then new husband. It would be perfect our cold Minnesota winters (I thought). He never wore it and finally confessed it was just not his thing. I took it back, shortened the sleeves and the body and now I have wonderfully cozy sweater!
I have told the story many times of my sister and her mother in law. They had a hostile relationship and holidays were especially tense. One year MIL announced that she was making Afghans for everyone for Christmas. My sis didn’t expect to be found worthy, but was surprised to find that there were indeed packages for all that were afghan sized. Each recipient opened theirs and were gushing over the talented stitch work. My sis opened hers and there was silence all around. Her afghan was made from all the leftover yarn from the other gifts, with random striping in no real order. Plus, the colors stopped mid row as the yarn ran out and big knots to join the ends. I never thought that someone would make something ugly on purpose. The marriage didn’t last, and the afghan was meant to be thrown away, but I rescued it and we look at it and laugh today!
Wow. That’s a level of petty I have never heard of.
I mean, we all have ways of using leftover yarn to still make beautiful things and it could have been a way to show how your sister is connected to everyone one else.
But to deliberately make something ugly and hateful is a whole new realm of petty.
I’m glad your sister is out that family
Well, when my mother in law was divesting her stuff for a move she “gifted”me with an afghan she knit ages ago. It had holes and snags and was well worn. She said she knew I could fix it. Needless to say it was disposed of.
Oh, WOW.
a gift not landing- it happens. I always try to gift joy. I once was unexpectedly asked to join a friend’s family Christmas gathering. I just lost the last remaining family member and would have been my first holiday alone. I was so grateful. She had 4 grown children, and it was a bit of short notice. Not wanting to go empty handed, yet knowing no one was expecting a gift from me- still I wanted to give.
everyone had dogs, and dogs needed to be walked. Well, I knitted cowls for all, because size didn’t matter. Some were thrilled and some weren’t. I simply stated that it gave me great joy to be included, and I wanted to share that joy. explained why the cowls. Also stated, if they wanted to exchange colors with another, I would not be offended. If they don’t like or know it’s just not them, then I ask they give to someone in need. As this would give the needy joy, and they themselves would also know the joy of sharing. So then, the gift would give a ripple of joy.
A year later, I asked if anyone shared the cowl, and if so, did they experience the joy of sharing. One, shared with a homeless person on the street. another regifted to a friend that loved the color.
Love, Joy, and Selflessness all in yarn! Love this story!
Whenever I give a knitted gift, I tell the recipient to “Just not put it away in a drawer.” I tell them they can guiltlessly give the gift to someone who might actually wear (use) it. I don’t really care who wears it as long as someone does!
This is exactly what I had wished an out of town friend had done when I sent her a scarf that I made her with yarn that I had bought when we travelled together to Maine for her birthday. Instead she packaged it back in the original box and paper and sent it back to me with a note that said that she doesn’t wear wool! I admit that I was very hurt by this and would have preferred a simple thank you. Luckily my dear local friend took it from me to keep for herself! I very rarely knit for other people now unless they ask for something.
great idea!
This is what I do. I include a card. If the recipient is going through some kind of trouble, I tell them the item is a hug of a sort. If they are in bad trouble and a fund raiser is in the offing, they can cheerfully include the item. I want my things to be used.
Another risk of knitting a gift — especially one made with beautiful, expensive yarn — is that the items often need hand washing. Lots of people don’t have the will or the space to do this. Please consider this when knitting gifts.
Your post resonated with me so much. I had a hand k it hat given back to me with the comment of “ I like my hats longer so you need to re-make it”. I have knitted many gifts for family that I have never seen them wear and must recently I made a hat and received a phone call “I love the hat and I want to place an order for more and I have made a list of colors” – I felt like the order line at LL Bean!!
Thanks for the chuckle. I too have been asked for a specific color. NO, I do not work in black in my reply.
Ahhhhhh…..the concept that some people just don’t understand or appreciate that a gift was handmade really resonates with me. I love the re-gifting suggestions!
So many good thoughts here! Yes to all of them—except the ugly afghan. (Oof). There’s no better recipient than a fellow maker. Of course they can make their own scarf/socks/hats but they certainly appreciate the gift. One of my most successful approaches is to collaborate with the recipient. Lots of discussion about pattern, color, weight, etc. The end product is not a huge surprise but they absolutely love the item and are assured to wear it proudly for a very long time.
Yes! Agree so much with this and it was an MDK article a while ago. I’ve just made a beautiful cardigan for a beloved friend to a very specific brief. She sat in my kitchen drinking coffee last week while wearing it and it made me so happy.
You need to know the recipient. Do they wear knitted items. Have they ever complimented on a knitted to crocheted garment.
Knitted garments sometimes make people too warm. Some people don’t care to handle knitted items properly.
One very hard lesson that I have learned. When you “give” something away. You need to let it go. The problem usually just involves the knitters ego.
Been there, done that. It’s the thought that counts right?
I do understand. I was knitting tom’s of hats, blankets, and vests for my beloved grandsons. My daughter told me she hated everything I knitted. It really broke my heart.
Yikes. Unnecessary meanness. I’ve stopped making hats for my son after he couldn’t remember which hat I had made him, shrugged and said “ I’ve got a million hats.” Lesson received. Still stings, though.
I feel your pain. Been there , done that. In my case, it was unspoken, but I never once saw the items used, present in their home, or in any picture. I just have had to move on and save my knitted or cross stitched gifts for those who appreciate them.
When my now college freshman grandaughter was four, I knit her a sweater. She put it on immediately, wore it all day and slept in it. She never wore it again. When I mentioned some months later that I was sorry she didn’t really like the sweater, she replied that she loved the sweater but just didn’t like wearing it. Fast forward to a month ago when she asked me if I would knit her a sweater for Christmas. We exchanged photos and ideas via text. The sweater is on the needles. Every stitch is stitched with love and I know in my heart that she may not wear it but she will love it. and that’s ok.
<3
Modeling CAN work… frequently doesn't, but it CAN!
(( sigh ))
Yeah, we all know about those 2 kinds of people, knitworthy & not (knot?).
I add to my "questionably worthy" pool those that I know… *I KNOW* will not care for a hand knit gift properly and my stash contains acrylic blend yarns for exactly those people. It makes the whole process so much less joy-filled to use a yarn that I, myself, do not love. However, that brief angst pales in comparison to the horror of having to hear, in a random casual family or social conversation, how that pure fibre item came out of the wash ruined. Have you had the nightmare of trying to remain calm, controlled, even jovial, when hearing that your gift of hours of time and $40/skein yarn got carelessly destroyed despite your best efforts to coach on proper care techniques? Ugh…
But yes, Claudia Dear Claudia, modeling behaviour CAN work… rarely.
Knit on & remain calm!
Several years ago I knit a pair of Latvian style fingerless mitts for my new daughter in law. She loved them, bless her heart. Then she lost one a few weeks later . I was thrilled that she had the courage to tell me and ask if I could make another one.
i love to knit for family members, and my sister loves receiving knit wear—but boy! she has lost hats, mittens and A SWEATER (Hulda-Kristin Wiola).
and yes, i knit her another:^) = LOVE
That reminds me… in college, I admired my freshman year suite mate’s handmade mittens. A few weeks later she presented me with a pair in pale blue, made by her mother just for me. I was so taken by the generosity of these people who barely knew me. Even more so a few months later when her mom replaced one that I lost!
Which, of course, I happily did!!
For her second birthday, I knitted my granddaughter a darling little white shrug with a ruffle and ladybug buttons to match the ladybugs on her birthday dress. She took one look at it and said, “Bubbe take it home in the suitcase.” Throughout my visit, she kept stuffing it in my suitcase and I kept taking it out, the final time as I was locking up the suitcase to go home. She later tried to flush it down the toilet. I should have taken it home in the suitcase.
Genuine LOL – sorry? 🙂
Two-year-olds will always tell you how they really feel!!
Reminds me of my daughter, who, when my mom kept trying to poke one more piece of chicken in her mouth, finally picked up the chicken, held it out over the floor, and declared, “TWASH.”
I’m sad for all your work on the sweater, but her trying to flush it is ingenious.
We’ve all been there-friends who don’t wear/like their handmade gift; family members who never wear their handmade made gifts and even dogs who reject their handmade sweaters (ripping the sweater off under the azalea bush, not to be found for years . . .).
BUT all the effort is worth it when one or two gifts hit the mark and are cherished by the recipient (human or animal)!
Such a great topic!! And humor always helps! Retail therapy, a hot bath, and a beverage of your choice does cure most things. Thank you, thank you for a great article. xx
Thank you for this gift!
I made Sophie scarves for six friends after reading about Kaye making a few for her friends and family. I just knew I had hit on the perfect gift. Alas, not so much. A couple were well received, but most will probably sit at the bottom of a drawer.
I’ve lived. I’ve learned.
I still love to knit but will focus more on specific requests, charity knitting and, of course, knitting for myself!
Good timing for this conversation as I’m in the midst of planning my Christmas gift knitting. So many great comments! My most successful approach has been to ask the intended recipient if they’d like a pair of socks, cowl, or whatever. And for bigger projects like sweaters, I always get the recipient or a close family member to advise on color and style. I too just want the things I make to be used and I have no problem with gifts being moved on if they disappoint. I’ve learned best through my own experience of receiving sweaters from my mother that are all oversized raglans with baggy sleeves and very deep v-necks, lovely knits but not my style at all. She knits on autopilot and makes all her sweaters sized to fit her. Recently she asked me to pick out a topdown sweater pattern and give her sizing details, which I did. I love the finished sweater, but she says she hated knitting it and didn’t enjoy the process. Fair enough. There’s a fine balance between the knitter’s needs and the recipient’s. I don’t mind not being knitworthy for my mother. Actually, I’d prefer it at this point. It reminds me to think carefully whenever I feel compelled to knit that “perfect” gift.
Ah, the perils of the handmade gift!! I thought I’d learned my lesson, but then saw a pattern I thought was perfect for a dear friend. And I had all the yarn in my stash – including some gorgeous worsted weight cashmere!! I convinced myself it was meant to be. I finished the sweater in just 25 days, a record for me, just in time for her birthday. She ooh’d and ahh’d, but she’s never worn it. She’s never said why – was it too big, too small? I firmly believe in letting go of the gift once it’s given, so it’s hers to do with as she pleases. In the end, this gift may have given me more than it gave her: I learned I could knit a long-sleeved sweater in less than a month, even with a tricky chevron pattern. So when I’m tempted to knit gifts, I do so for my own enjoyment with no expectation that the recipient will feel the same.
Alas, my love language is knitting. Most of my family don’t speak that language. I found the afghan I made for my son “protecting” the floor under his weight set. I reeeeally need to let it go. Maybe with a large mocha latte loaded with whipped cream!
Wonderful article, so relatable. I’ve learned to slow down and make better choices when gifting knitting to friends and family.
I knitted a little gnome for an office colleague in our holiday gift exchange. I didn’t know her well, and had no idea if she would like it. But I enjoyed making it. She never said much, but I saw it permanently displayed on her desk afterwards!
When I first began knitting I thought I’d make scarves for my siblings – but I had learned from others that I should find out if they wanted a scarf before knitting. All my sibs are tall, so these would be long scarves! I decided to do a survey, which went something like, “Do you want me to knit you a scarf?” and the answer choices were “Yes, Yay.” “Only if it’s made of __ and is __color” or “No thank you, I won’t wear it and then we’ll both feel bad.” Two of three siblings wanted scarves and one did not. All was well.
I don’t usually make “surprise” gifts of my knitting. Partly because getting to choose is part of the fun of hand-made.
I have learned, the hard way, over the years who is knitworthy and who is not. Many times I have sent knitted gifts to family members (we all live in different states) with not even an emailed thank you or that they received the gift. I now knit for myself, charity and those who are truly knitworthy.
Reply is to your post, but really it’s to the whole thread…
As I’ve read these posts, I’ve been thinking back to allllllllll the years of our family’s traditions of knitted gifts. It started with Gram (my Mom’s mom) who couldn’t afford much so hand acrylic knit slippers for alllllll her many many grand kids. When Gram became unable to knit, Mom took over the annual knitting of slippers, in addition to the mittens she’d been making, and extended that tradition to nieces & nephews on my Dad’s side. Mom never really knew, but always wondered, if these gifts were landing well and used as intended. She accepted the gratitude expressed by the mothers of the individual recipients (rarely the recipients themselves, but yes, rarely them too). She wondered, that is, UNTIL the teen & grown cousins & nieces & nephews & grandkids started ASKING for specific colours…
ASKING for maybe an extra pair or 2 to share with friends…
ASKING for gloves not mitts…
Sometimes even ASKING to learn to knit so they could make their OWN gift slippers for friends in the dorm…
Mom was thrilled!
It turns out that Mom’s hand knit gifts had become SUCH an Xmas tradition that Xmas WITHOUT a hand knit little something would just be…
Unthinkable
Unimaginable
So, there may be times when a preteen decides that “hand knits are JUST NOT COOL” but the tradition of keeping everybody included with a token of love can and DOES become a beloved tradition.
Take heart hand knit gifters!
Your time & efforts can & do matter in the long run!
I don’t gift knit anymore because it is so personal for me it is too hard if they don’t love it, but I will knit anything for anybody if they ask me!
So how do we ask you? 😉
Yes, that’s me now. Loved the article!
Exactly my opinion.
Great article! That would have been me making the tea cozy of the dog. I like it. Everyone else will toooooooo. Not.
I love that dog cozy and anyone who would have knit it for me.
I finally came to the conclusion that unless the recipient is young enough not to object to what my husband calls “baby humiliation wear” then consultation is in order. I figure if I’m taking the time to make a custom garment, then it doesn’t need to be a surprise. This is why I like being able to weave dishtowels – everyone uses them!
“Baby humiliation wear” BAH ha ha!!
If your husband is always this funny, you are very lucky!
Haha! As a weaver, I have found that goes for dish towels too. I do love weaving them though. My take is that blankets, whether knit or woven, will become heirlooms over time no matter what happens to the smaller objects.
I’m in the throes of knitting a baby blanket. I asked the mom-to-be to choose the colors. But I don’t like them, and couldn’t arrange them in a way pleasing to me, and wasn’t enjoying the process. I finally went with white stripes in between each color. Still not sure how the finished product will look. And of course there’s my ego involved, and the prospect of seeing the resulting blanket in use. Sigh.
Once, I saw an Elvish Leaves (lace) dishcloth I knit for my almost-always respectful daughter, on her kitchen floor! She explained that she doesn’t use dishrags but it works to mop up water dripped onto the kitchen floor and she keeps it there. Needless to say, I don’t knit dishrags for her, but other things she loves and uses carefully. One just has to learn the recipient’s preferences, probably through anguished experience, and as advised above consult, consult, consult!
Gosh yes. I knit a terrific (I thought) Navy wool hat (very basic but nice Merino) for a holiday gift exchange. First recipient acted as though it were moldy cheese. On the other hand, I knit a Sophie scarf for a boating friend who is just not into scarves that hang or get picked up around the neck. She loved it. One never knows.
We cast our (delicious) bread upon the waters!
I once crocheted a gorgeous throw for my sister in Colorado to match the colors and style of her living room. A few years later while visiting, I found it on the dog’s bed. My brother-in-law thought my sister had bought it at Walmart! Once a gift is given, it is the recipient’s to do with as they wish…. but it still hurt my feelings to have my beautiful creation so carelessly cast aside. P.S. the dog really DID love it though.
That’s what happened to a quilt my Mom made for one of my cousins within the year. Thank goodness Mom never knew. I was mighty ticked off. Mom had sent all the cousins quilts, I took her last quilt too to make it for my Dad.
I made a shawl for my sister one Christmas, and then a few months later saw that it was being used as a lounging area for her cats, who had chewed and clawed holes in it. When asked why my gift was a cat bed, she replied that “they deserve nice things too” Oh ok then….let it go, Lisa….its hers to do with as she wants. But I won’t be knitting for her again.
My dog has adopted so much knitting that I’m not sure the people have much choice in the matter, honestly! They love the sheepy-ness I think? Or maybe it smells of KNITTERLY LOVE.
This made me smile – and I’ve experienced the same thing: I’ve knitted “wedding shawls” for 3 brides to be (Nightstudy by Melanie Berg which had the soft white lace and then stripes in their favorite colors). Thoughtful, yes? Well, 1 out of the 3 sent me a TY note and picture (and even took it to her honeymoon in Ireland) while the other 2 have said nothing at all.
Re: the Sophie scarf – I made it for my mom (who is VERY knitworthy) and she thought it was a headband and couldn’t figure it out, lol.
It’s good to remind ourselves why we knit for others, it’s definitely a love language for me. I often give socks and hats and I always tell the recipients: please pass it on if it’s not to your liking – but then, you never know.
Thankfully, my immediate family loves and treasures my hand knits and that warms my heart (and their bodies).
Honestly I could talk about this topic all day. These stories are so interesting and so revealing of human nature in all its complexity.
One thing I think about is how much a person’s background affects their impression of and appreciation for things that are handmade. My mother, for example, grew up having to wear homemade and hand-me-down things, so she vastly prefers a thing that is storebought, shiny, and new even if it is utterly lacking in the qualities that we knitters prize. She kind of shudders at my daughter’s glorious thrifted wardrobe. She can’t help it, those feelings of childhood deprivation are deep. She does like it when I knit something for her, though, especially if the yarn is shiny and/or sparkly!
The story and comments here made me wonder about how this experience colors our perception of the recipient’s character. In the same way that we may distrust a person our dog dislikes, do we also become suspect of someone who doesn’t appreciate a handmade gift…?
I want a Sophie scarf for myself in that yarn — what is it ? I knit a beautiful neon pink Sophie scarf for my daughter – she wears it to work in the cold tank room of the vineyard – I’m sure she’s the best dressed viticulturist there !
I decided a long time ago that I can’t control others so I knit and crochet for myself. Just for the love of working with yarn. I gift a lot, but I always say “Please pass it on if you can’t use it”. That said, I do make afghans, baby blankets, shawls, scarves and hats with colors and patterns to suit the recipient and hope they are loved. And mostly they are. I don’t gift socks or sweaters. I think those are harder to fit and please and not my favorites to knit. I knit for my own enjoyment. No matter what happens with a gift, I got the pleasure of making it. That’s enough for me.
My favorite is when I knit somebody a sweater and they first comment on the buttons!
Yes! The joy of knitting and the joy of giving are two different experiences.
I long ago learned to ask first before embarking on a project, even if the resulting request is not one I really wanted to make. I’ve made Christmas stockings in a Pokemon/dinosaur/ninja pattern and a slinky purple/gold cat one, a batch of eleven off-white all-different-cable-patterned stockings to replace some after a house fire, and some traditional two-color stranded ones. None were exactly my favorite thing to make, but all were requests that are still hanging on fireplaces every year. It didn’t hurt that I picked up quite a few new techniques along the way!
Mind you, all these projects were given to folks who understand that I knit for my own pleasure as well as the joy of giving, and with the understanding that they were to be passed on at will. There are even a couple of third-generation sweaters in the mix.
Great article thanks
The saddest responses are from the people who think my handknitted gift is “too special” to use. I try to emphasize to the receiver that the gift is made to be used, not wrapped in tissue paper and tucked away to be forgotten somewhere. I tell the recipient that the blanket, scarf, hat or mittens have already been machine washed and dried so they won’t be afraid to enjoy their gift.
I make baby/kid quilts for family and friends, always by machine and very colorful like a crayon box. I tell the parents that the next time I see the quilt, it should be a bit faded and used, not saved. I also tell them that once the kid gets older, the dog can enjoy it if the kid doesn’t mind. Until recently, those baby quilts were made of leftovers from other sewing or quilting projects, so my emotional investment was way more than the financial one, making it easier to take that attitude. I once deviated from that, making a customized gray-based baby quilt. And, surprise! It was the only quilt whose receipt was never acknowledged in any way. Hah!
Yes, that “saving for best” way of thinking is the worst. I enjoy seeing things used until they are worn out.
Sounds like we all need our own personal support chicken 😉
I knit those chickens for myself. Selfish but necessary sometimes.
I knit a lot for myself. On occasion I have had a friend gush over something and I take it off and give it to them spontaneously… the joyful reaction is everything. My boss exclaimed over a cowl I posted on Instagram. I gave it to her. I will occasionally knit surprises for other knitters (or if not knitters, makers) because they know and appreciate the magnitude of the gift.
Immediate family gets knits if they ask, after intense consultation on all specifics – fiber, color, pattern, the works. My daughter will often see something on my needles and stake a claim.
I simply cannot deal with gifting handmade surprises to random people. The potential for trauma is traumatizing in and of itself!!
This is a great way to gift knitted items. I love all these stories and have been gifting knits for years, mostly for family and mostly because I just love to do it. I knit hats for my oldest son and 2 friends (same colorwork pattern with different colors) who sent a pic of them all wearing them, his best friend who requested a scarf, beer cozie sweaters for them, on and on. They tend to love them but it’s my mom who doesn’t wear a really nice vest I made for her. Oh well. Can’t hit a win with them all.
Here’s a story about a hand knit baby sweater that came back 50 years later.
https://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/it-s-like-it-was-meant-to-be-sweater-returns-50-years-later-to-n-s-woman-who-knit-it-1.5686151
Good one! Thanks for the link.
It doesn’t matter if a gift is handmade or store bought, if it doesn’t land, it doesn’t land. If only one could sprinkle the gift with the enthusiasm one has for giving it.
I agree with other commenters above – I have to just give the gift and then it is up to the recipient.
If it doesn’t suit them, then I do not mind if they give it away.
As long as I had fun knitting it, that’s fine with me.
Oh how I understand this gift giving! I had a co worker who loves owls. So I knitted an owl stuffy. She loved it. Unfortunately she shared that her dog loved playing with it. !!!WHAT!! It took me a while to get over it. I finally had to accept once a gift leaves my hands it’s not up to me hiw the gift is treated.
I spent a small fortune on a 2 skeins of a beautiful hand dyed and made a scarf for my sister’s birthday. She opened the gift and handled the scarf and said thank you. Her then 3 year old daughter asked to see it, so my sister handed it over to her. My niece proceeded to drag it over the floor. Their dog, fresh in from a romp in the yard, raced around my niece. My sister was opening other gifts, so I gently suggested that we let mom enjoy her scarf. When my sister promptly gave it back to her, I knew I’d never knit for her again. Looking back, though the colors suited her, the yarn did not. I loved the yarn, plainly she did not. I later learned that she referred to our other sister’s hand crocheted work as crap, so… P.S. Said sister is a quilter.
The gift knitting is part them, a lot us really spoke to me as I love to stash dive after finding the perfect pattern. At times, I choose the recipient but have learned often to let the gift find them. And yes, I have to let it go both literally and in my head. Every holiday season, we have a large family reunion at the beach. I often knit small projects and with no plan, if someone gushes and says they wish they had one, it is theirs. And I can often replicate for others. Many of the projects do not make it home.
Another story for “I want my knitting used”: I often knit for my 95-year old father delivering afghans, hats, and scarves on trips. I left a bottle of SOAK with instructions. A workerin his IL complex often does large load laundry for him. On one visit, the afghans and blankets were not on his bed. He’d hid them after she washed them in detergent. I had to explain to him that felted knits are a thing. it’s ok.!!
One tip for gifts: Because I often knit with wools, I always include the wool tag from the skein and a small packet of SOAK. At least I tried.
I still remember the year my MIL said, “Another scarf?”, one I thought was innovative and unusual and would look chic on her elegant self.
I learned some love handmade, some don’t and once you figure out the category, gift appropriately. My youngest loves my handmades. Rarely wears them but she is ever so enthusiastic when gifted!
In my family we have a phrase: this is a “to you – from me – for me” gift… I think that often applies to the knit things I have gifted people. Some hits, some things gifted because I just needed to knit…
I decided long ago not to knit a *surprise* gift for anyone. Everything I make is in handspun yarn, so not only is there lots of time in the knitting, there’s lots of time in the making of the yarn. ALL of the considerations here apply, especially the part about the gift maybe being too much about ME–how much work *I* put into it (when almost no one understands the bit about how much time the hand spinning takes). So to avoid awkwardness and/or disappointment now, I work WITH someone to try to make just the thing they DO want. Much more satisfying all around.
I can identify. I knit my brother-in-law a pair of wool socks one Christmas. When I asked him (a devoted outdoorsman) how he liked them, he said, “They were too big, but after I washed them, just fine.”
I only knit for others if they buy the yarn. Which also means we’ve taken time to identify the pattern I’ll make (screen sharing my Ravelry search helps!). I’ve never surprised anyone with a hand knit and I always make sure they know ahead of time the care that will be involved in their item. It still surprises me when someone is willing to buy the yarn so I can knit them something.
I have gifted new baby gifts and I occasionally get a photo of the recipient in the knits, but I don’t expect anything and I know that the items may not get used past the photo. This past year, quite a few of friends were expecting so I kept my gift simple with a small baby blanket and a matching toque in whatever size the baby would be for its first winter. This spring, on a cottage trip with a large group of friends (and their children), I saw 3 of my blankets being used! I was thrilled, and now I truly know all of these friends are knitworthy!
About 20 years ago I knitted a scarf from a beautiful 100% cashmere yarn for a friend who enjoyed fine (i.e. expensive) things. The look of distaste on her face when she opened my gift was so deflating. Fast forward to 2024: I knitted myself a Sophie scarf from what was left of that yarn. And, sadly, my friend died a few years ago yet I remember her when I wear my Sophie scarf.